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Seeing as this is my first blog I figured I would bitch out loud the thoughts that have been grinding my noggin for the past couple of weeks.

Fort starters, recently I moved from a lovely small town USA to a newer larger small town USA, regardless if that makes sense or not, I actually like this place. I was living in Seattle for a couple of years on my own and I have come to realize that living on your own is very difficult. People always told me that you can be free; and do whatever you want. I tell ya it was so sweet being out in the Pacific NorthWest all on my own. The mountains and the people. Just great, up until I lost my job and had to move back to Wisconsin (My home state).

Since I have moved back I have had this goal to become more friendly and by that I mean going out with friends that I know now and improving my social skills to make new friends, thus far it has been difficult. With having to work pay check to pay check theres no time nor the cash flow to do things with those friends. Which leads me to this question… I see all these amazing people and not to mention gorgeous men and all their friends going out and havingĀ  such a great time, drinking every night and living the gay life. Makes me wonder how in the world do they pay for there lavish lifestyles. I know some of them have great jobs and thats where there cash flow comes in, but still, for a guy my age (mind you I will be 26 in a few months) how is it possible? It makes me think to myself like I dont belong in the gay community. The parties, the sex, the hot hunky men, the gym, as well as the words of our lovely Ru-Paul “Looking good and feeling gorgeous”.

I see all those goregous men who are physically fit and hairy chested and just amazing men that make me cream. Their lives consist of get up work out, sex, eat, more sex, lunch, work out dinner, work out, more sex and lots more sex, and then bed and they start it all over again the following day. There are times I wish I could be like this, and times that I’m glad I am not. Truth is I want to be more like that than anything, I want to feel attractive and I want to be wanted, though some may say I am a great chatch and they are surprised that I am not taken. My thoughts to this is, out of all the guys I have met and personally handed my phone number, why is it not one of them cant just ring me up and say hey Jake what you up to, I would like to take you out and or come out with us?

This is not half of what I am peeved about…. I digress, the more I learn the more I begin to think this isnt the life I chose.

Cheers

Jake

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