Without Guilt

Posted: November 1, 2010 in Life's Stresses

So its been a while since I last entered a lovely blog. . .

A lot has been going on. . . From highs and lows, rights and lefts my sense of direction in life has been flipped upside down and right side up.

First of this short but bitter sweet agenda. Can some one tell me when in my right mind is it okay to reconnect with a former ex boyfriend/partner? Cause it seems to me I have. But not in the manner one would think. I had feelings for this guy when I was younger and since I have separated these feelings a long time ago, I feel there is no connection anymore. On top of that, after 6 years of being apart he still professes his love for me, explaining he has fallen out of love for his current boyfriend, which by the way the boyfriend; or should we say ex boyfriend unbeknown to him has left the relationship a long time ago and has since moved out. Do I sense irony here? Honestly, has his former lover under gone the same bull shit as I have? Has he realized that he (my ex and my ex’s ex boyfriend. . . Do you follow me??) is a drunk, and whenever there is failure in his life he leads to one thing. . . Alcohol and drugs? Case in point, this ones for you my non friend of an acquaintance thru my ex (meant for my ex’s ex) good for you. You can do better, you deserve much better.

And now it comes to me. . . I went out to lunch with him the other day. I bit awkward, only because when I first met him I had nothing, no car no cash no nothing. And being apart from him for that period in which I made something of myself, had my own place, got on my feet, had money saved, had my own car, only to loose everything to the recession, moved back from Seattle, WA sold my car, have no real savings and pretty much no sanity. It was surreal that he ended up paying for lunch and him picking me up from my parents house. WTF? I felt like shit. Complete and utter sheit! Needless to say, I am left with a boggled brain and I can’t fathom what is going to become of me in the future.

Oh and the best news ever! Well depending on how you think of it. . . I met a guy online. He’s a total sweetheart, gorgeous smile, has some grey hair, turns 41 a day before my birthday. We’ve talked for hours on end, seems like a great guy right? NOT! A day before we supposed to meet and go out on our official first date, he flakes and doesn’t call nor does he write. I’m like . . . Seriously?? Really? You’ve got to be joking right? I mean common, I’ve laid out everything, my flaws(that I personally know of) and all my Louis Vutton baggage, and you wanna do me like this. Personally I felt we had a connection. Perhaps age scared him or my baggage or even both. I see it this way. Mister man who I haven’t met, t’was your loss and your loss alone. Everyone has baggage, no matter how large or small everyone has got it. Its a thing I’d like to call LIFE. Deal with it, take a risk cause at some point its a risk well worth taking ya chimp!

Whoa, I sound pretentious and a bit angry. And damn right I am.

Oh and get this, yet another man has made himself known to me. Via FaceBook. However. . . This one seems to be different. We’ve been chatting back and fourth via #FB email and comments here and there. He’s an extremely gorgeous man, well cut and very handsome. He’s in the same professional field as me(medical), he works out, I don’t. . . Yet. He’s what you call the Mr. Darcy of men. . . In literal terms, he’s every gay mans dream of a husband. He states that through his time spent talking/writing to me, he has grown fond of our conversations and he is ans would be happy if the relationship remained via facebook and chatting. Which by the way, I am more than happy with that. Who couldn’t use another friend in life? Oh and that smile. . . I’ve seen many a pictures. Pearly whites, oh and the best news of all, he’s blessed with chest hair! And a lot of it! Plus he has a dog named Jack. ((Thud)) someone catch me, as I fall flat on my face. Could this be happening again? A perfect dreamy man for me to know of and grow from? Could this be it? I have gone crazy!!! Enough of this nonsense, I have got to put a stop to fictional lust of men off the internet/social websites and such. . . And I will continue to eat certain un healthy foods without guilt.

Would someone please tell me, when did it become okay to meet potential partners off the internet???? What say you? Tell me or not, are there decent men out there worth getting to know via social websites? I have so much more to say, but some things are best left untold.

As an acquaintance once said in a twit-vid. Life is all about confidence, we create it just as much as we define it and act upon it. . . Its a work in progress.

Much love. . . Bisou!

@CheerleaderJock – Jake

Posted with WordPress for BlackBerry.

  1. Chad says:

    Exes make good friends. But if he still has feelings that can make it weird. Words of experience.

  2. bryan says:

    hi j. i saw you pop up in my local tweets & wanted to say hi. so how’s it goin? i’m ‘bry4n’ on twitter – drop in & let me get your autograph ^^ my tweets are protected tho so you’ll have to follow first. ..hope you’re not scared of commitments =8-o

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