Holland Express

Posted: January 13, 2011 in Life's Stresses

Well I must say its been a while since I have jotted down my thoughts. Yet again much has been going on.

Where to begin? Right, of to it; most recently I met a gracious man. Full of joy, sexiness, and just uber yumminess. Everything a man could want in a man! For the sake of privacy we will call him “Mr. X”. X decided nuzzle him self right next to the one place I thought most could never touch. Though he hasn’t touched it fully, he sure has hell has tugged on it quite a bit. I’ve known X for just a short time. But something tells me, that this is going to be good for me! As of today, I haven’t spoken to him since a million days ago, which equates to two days. Long story short. . . More info to come on that matter.

I am sitting here at the doctors office, waiting for the rents to be finished with their appointments, so that I can stop typing on this BlackBerry qwerty keyboard and get on with my day. After we get finished with this, I have the lovely task of getting my lower right wisdom tooth yanked outta my jaw. I never really had an issue with getting teeth pulled. I’ve had two so far, one that broke when I had my tongue ring, and the other was a cavity ridden upper right wisdom tooth, which by the way was a pain in my ass, literally. But for some strange reason I have this pent up anxiety. Why? I have no friggin clue. Sure wish Mr X would help me by putting a stop to this foolish nonsense.

Okay so a quick fast forward and mr x is done and over with. Typical meat head with no sense of common sense none the less. Oy, I’m sure going to miss his smile. But have no fear I’m used to men not living up to their own expectations much less my own. Someday I’ll find the right one, until then I’m concentrating on me. Anyways, I’m sitting here watching Star Trek TNG . . . Aye, I’ve got a lot of work to do. Oh and btw the tooth has sense been pulled, feels much better now. Wow well for now this is it. Cheers!

Write more juicy stuff when I’m able.

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Blunt Force Trauma

Posted: November 19, 2010 in Random

So as my week comes to an end, I find myself happy and content. I know what my likes and dislikes are. I found cute trinkets for a few of my followers abroad and have I mentioned I love this time of year? I am one of the few that love cold weather! Being that my birthday is in December, I can’t get enough of the snow and the bitter cold.

I have come to accept that men are going to walk in and out of my life, with the slightest twitch of an eye. I am hopeful that my life will run its course now, rather than later. I am grateful for all things yellow, and blue. And
I am beside myself when it comes to gibberish.

Just a few things I am thinking about this “blustery” cold morning. :o) .

With that said, “What’s done is done, no use in back tracking, unless you live life in reverse”



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Without Guilt

Posted: November 1, 2010 in Life's Stresses

So its been a while since I last entered a lovely blog. . .

A lot has been going on. . . From highs and lows, rights and lefts my sense of direction in life has been flipped upside down and right side up.

First of this short but bitter sweet agenda. Can some one tell me when in my right mind is it okay to reconnect with a former ex boyfriend/partner? Cause it seems to me I have. But not in the manner one would think. I had feelings for this guy when I was younger and since I have separated these feelings a long time ago, I feel there is no connection anymore. On top of that, after 6 years of being apart he still professes his love for me, explaining he has fallen out of love for his current boyfriend, which by the way the boyfriend; or should we say ex boyfriend unbeknown to him has left the relationship a long time ago and has since moved out. Do I sense irony here? Honestly, has his former lover under gone the same bull shit as I have? Has he realized that he (my ex and my ex’s ex boyfriend. . . Do you follow me??) is a drunk, and whenever there is failure in his life he leads to one thing. . . Alcohol and drugs? Case in point, this ones for you my non friend of an acquaintance thru my ex (meant for my ex’s ex) good for you. You can do better, you deserve much better.

And now it comes to me. . . I went out to lunch with him the other day. I bit awkward, only because when I first met him I had nothing, no car no cash no nothing. And being apart from him for that period in which I made something of myself, had my own place, got on my feet, had money saved, had my own car, only to loose everything to the recession, moved back from Seattle, WA sold my car, have no real savings and pretty much no sanity. It was surreal that he ended up paying for lunch and him picking me up from my parents house. WTF? I felt like shit. Complete and utter sheit! Needless to say, I am left with a boggled brain and I can’t fathom what is going to become of me in the future.

Oh and the best news ever! Well depending on how you think of it. . . I met a guy online. He’s a total sweetheart, gorgeous smile, has some grey hair, turns 41 a day before my birthday. We’ve talked for hours on end, seems like a great guy right? NOT! A day before we supposed to meet and go out on our official first date, he flakes and doesn’t call nor does he write. I’m like . . . Seriously?? Really? You’ve got to be joking right? I mean common, I’ve laid out everything, my flaws(that I personally know of) and all my Louis Vutton baggage, and you wanna do me like this. Personally I felt we had a connection. Perhaps age scared him or my baggage or even both. I see it this way. Mister man who I haven’t met, t’was your loss and your loss alone. Everyone has baggage, no matter how large or small everyone has got it. Its a thing I’d like to call LIFE. Deal with it, take a risk cause at some point its a risk well worth taking ya chimp!

Whoa, I sound pretentious and a bit angry. And damn right I am.

Oh and get this, yet another man has made himself known to me. Via FaceBook. However. . . This one seems to be different. We’ve been chatting back and fourth via #FB email and comments here and there. He’s an extremely gorgeous man, well cut and very handsome. He’s in the same professional field as me(medical), he works out, I don’t. . . Yet. He’s what you call the Mr. Darcy of men. . . In literal terms, he’s every gay mans dream of a husband. He states that through his time spent talking/writing to me, he has grown fond of our conversations and he is ans would be happy if the relationship remained via facebook and chatting. Which by the way, I am more than happy with that. Who couldn’t use another friend in life? Oh and that smile. . . I’ve seen many a pictures. Pearly whites, oh and the best news of all, he’s blessed with chest hair! And a lot of it! Plus he has a dog named Jack. ((Thud)) someone catch me, as I fall flat on my face. Could this be happening again? A perfect dreamy man for me to know of and grow from? Could this be it? I have gone crazy!!! Enough of this nonsense, I have got to put a stop to fictional lust of men off the internet/social websites and such. . . And I will continue to eat certain un healthy foods without guilt.

Would someone please tell me, when did it become okay to meet potential partners off the internet???? What say you? Tell me or not, are there decent men out there worth getting to know via social websites? I have so much more to say, but some things are best left untold.

As an acquaintance once said in a twit-vid. Life is all about confidence, we create it just as much as we define it and act upon it. . . Its a work in progress.

Much love. . . Bisou!

@CheerleaderJock – Jake

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Posted: September 14, 2010 in Life's Stresses

So today started out like any other, bright and cheerful, yet groggy and bitchy.

I’m a bit bummed throughout the day as I can’t seem to figure out why one day my phone is blown up by men who find me attractive and the next it goes completely silent. I wonder if my phone is working properly. . . Aaahhh fuck it I’m going to drown myself in blissful lyrics and music. And cook myself a decent meal. Surely you’d like to join?

Is this thing on?

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Well its been a few weeks since my last post. So this is going to be a “doozy”. Recently I awoke with an excruciating headache, mind you it was in the middle of the night. 3am, tossing and turning, pounding, throbbing, not the good pounding or throbbing that I am used to but still extremely painful. Had to pop 6 IBprofuen and six 5mg of Melatonin just to get back to sleep.

So lately, work has been fucked up. With the new physician coming in and the current one leaving to go off and do better things with her career. Its been slow, thus leading to tremendous cut in working hours. I miss the days of working 40+ hours a week. Selling glasses that look fantastic on ones face. And feeling like “Jerry McGuire” «Show Me The Money» now work has slashed my hours from 40+ to just above 31.5. I shouldn’t complain though because like many millions on americans, they don’t have any jobs. Its just difficult for the fact that here I lay/sit pissed off because I pissed my money away on stupid shit. Clothes, the dog (spoil her to much) car stuff, bedding …etc. Legitimate purchases, but pricy. Life would be so much happier if humans didn’t have bills. Don’t you agree?

I’m just bitching. . . I know I know, why should I bitch about this when others are in a different boat. ((LeSigh)) My thoughts are bouncy tonight. Hope you can keep up with my writing as its turning out to be some pshyco a.d.d. attack. Ha! I’m humble, well rounded with a head on my shoulders. I dream for a picture perfect life with a man that I dream of so often. All my friends are dating or are in long term relationships and or married. I can only hope my turn will come soon. I do understand I need to sort out the kinks and twist(s) in my life before I am ready for “that one special man” but damn it I want it and I want it now! Patience lately has not been a particularly large virtue in my life. In time it will come when its ready.

Last week I ended up taken my parents, and my pup to the local groomers. They all needed it really bad. Sophia was stinking like no other. Did my usual rounds in the morning and stop into this country-ish java house. Right next to the java house was a nifty lil store called Rowe Pottery. Really cool stuff there as it has given me ideas for next spring and the seasons plants. I eneded up watching the owner of the store, hand make pots and pottery for decoration for ones house. Rather interesting I will add.

Yesterday was quite interesting, really did much of nothing except tinker with my phone. Was extremely nice to finally have a day of doing absolutely nothing! And now today I am spending the day cleaning up the house and putting harvest decorations up and around the place to get ready for autumn. One thing I can’t stand about autumn is the fact that our gracious pollenosis/pollen suckers aka The Honey Bee/Wasp(s)/Black&Yellow Jacket Hornets are completely stooptified by the dramatic change in temperature. Fucking annoying as I bat my hands around like a little school girl, cursing at them until I manage to swat one of them to the ground and kill’em with my shoe. ((Fucking bee’s )) I’m extremely allergic to them if you haven’t guess already.

So in the midst of tinkering with my phone, I finally downloaded the Beta “Grindr” app for BlackBerry. Interesting I must say. Some great looking fellas on there and yet what always happens?? I get approched by the the fat old troll whom are like 65 and are married with a billion kids. ((Yuck)) fuck my life. This leads me to another conclusion.

I was talking to that really hot doctor (Ophthalmic Physician«my kinda guy, same interests’ as me hence I’m in the ophthalmic industry») from Grindr and he explained to me that I may just be pegged as unapprochable to guys whom are attractive in my eyes. It seems to me that when I get frustrated about why no man comes up to me and asks me out or to dance(not that I can dance to a tune for that matter) I always end up feeling stupid and not one or part of the gay culture “A-list” . He went on to explain that I must give off a “straight ora” «- HA! If only that were visible through my own eyes. Here I sit thinking, how can this be? I always present myself in a manner, which is deemed appropriate and with proper etiquette. My family has brought me up that way. You know, all prim and proper to the notch/knot in the wood and once the relationship has settled into a routine, then you let the wood splinter to show your natural born flaws and foes. I just don’t understand it really. I’m a great catch, one in a million. I am a home nester with circuit boy aptitudes. Well not so much circuit but you get the gist. I’m loyal to the one I cherish. Care for them when it is needed and never have a ever cheated on my partner. I’ve dated 5 guys in my 25 going on 26 years of living. And I don’t intend to once the right one comes along for me.

Through twitter I think I have made some decent acquaintances. Though most out of reach, but lately I find that I want to be that cool guy, chill guy, and friendly – friend to them. Even if they are far from me. Its strange how one can find things in common with others via a WiFi/inter-intranet connection. And I’ll be honest. I have meet some rather appealing men/my type of partner kind of guys online too. ((LeSigh)) if only I lived in the same continent and or country as them, let alone the same city. Its great though because you get to have foreign telephone numbers to text with them. A friend of my via twitter introduced me to “Whatsapp” an app specifically for smart phones. Right now just the iPhone series and the BlackBerry series. Its a sweet app which let’s you text anywhere in the world and not get charged a bloody cent for doing so. At least I won’t have a sky-rocketed cellular bill that could potentially reach a climax of $500 or so. Yay for technology!! 🙂

On a side note, I would like to take a quick shout out to the foreign man. The one who looks all tall dark and handsome. Men with accents and uncut cocks! All that yumminess and facial hair. Such a turn on. I think I have found my kind of guy I want to date. And if he speaks the French, all the more better for me. As I will melt! Love that feeling. I just envision myself with my partner on the streets of Rome, Paris or in some 1,000 year old english city; drinking our coffee and people watching. Just the right lighting and the smell of fresh baked goods in the air. Errrr enough of that, nice to dream but life is nothing like the movies. Reality Check! ! !

So today marks the Autumn cleaning, I just finished pulling up my Solar powered accent lights for my yard, gonna miss the mood lighting for my tall bushes along side the house. And the pathway lights. Thank gosh I got my settlement from the evil empire WalMart. Otherwise I wouldn’t of been able to afford to purchase all these lights.

Anyway until the next time I write I shall leave you with this excerpt from my bouncy brain. . .

Honestly, would you come up to me at a pub and ask me for my number? Be it for a life long friend or even just for a simple cup of joe? Strange as it is, the fucking bee’s flock to me, either because I am sweet to the taste or they’re in a drunken state of weather confusion. I wish just for once, a man grow a pair of balls, approach me and strike up a decent conversation. Which leads me to think only one and one thing alone. “I must be fucking ass/arse ugly and not attractive”. Wouldn’t you feel the same way too?

I just don’t fucking care any more. To hell with’em! You don’t like what you see, move it right along will ya, and take your pussy balls with you. . . . . .

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Headache & Phone Typing

Posted: August 5, 2010 in Random

Good evening twerps! So this week has been off to a good start. Sunday began my start of the “quit smoking” program. Doing pretty well so far, but I seem to be having a headache as the new smoking cessation seems to be giving me one. Oh well. Just a couple more days and I can quit all together and let the pills take after on the start of week #2. Woot!

Short but sweet, write more later!


Seeing as this is my first blog I figured I would bitch out loud the thoughts that have been grinding my noggin for the past couple of weeks.

Fort starters, recently I moved from a lovely small town USA to a newer larger small town USA, regardless if that makes sense or not, I actually like this place. I was living in Seattle for a couple of years on my own and I have come to realize that living on your own is very difficult. People always told me that you can be free; and do whatever you want. I tell ya it was so sweet being out in the Pacific NorthWest all on my own. The mountains and the people. Just great, up until I lost my job and had to move back to Wisconsin (My home state).

Since I have moved back I have had this goal to become more friendly and by that I mean going out with friends that I know now and improving my social skills to make new friends, thus far it has been difficult. With having to work pay check to pay check theres no time nor the cash flow to do things with those friends. Which leads me to this question… I see all these amazing people and not to mention gorgeous men and all their friends going out and having  such a great time, drinking every night and living the gay life. Makes me wonder how in the world do they pay for there lavish lifestyles. I know some of them have great jobs and thats where there cash flow comes in, but still, for a guy my age (mind you I will be 26 in a few months) how is it possible? It makes me think to myself like I dont belong in the gay community. The parties, the sex, the hot hunky men, the gym, as well as the words of our lovely Ru-Paul “Looking good and feeling gorgeous”.

I see all those goregous men who are physically fit and hairy chested and just amazing men that make me cream. Their lives consist of get up work out, sex, eat, more sex, lunch, work out dinner, work out, more sex and lots more sex, and then bed and they start it all over again the following day. There are times I wish I could be like this, and times that I’m glad I am not. Truth is I want to be more like that than anything, I want to feel attractive and I want to be wanted, though some may say I am a great chatch and they are surprised that I am not taken. My thoughts to this is, out of all the guys I have met and personally handed my phone number, why is it not one of them cant just ring me up and say hey Jake what you up to, I would like to take you out and or come out with us?

This is not half of what I am peeved about…. I digress, the more I learn the more I begin to think this isnt the life I chose.